Today, we're on to some of the most frequently asked questions on how to shop for an engagement ring as a couple. If you have a question, ask those in the comments as you listen and we'll answer live.
1. What are the benefits or cons of purchasing a ring together?
Okay. So, here we go. What are the benefits or cons of purchasing a ring together? Well, you got a guy with a grey beard because I’m a little old. I'm matched for the traditionalist. I may not go down with all the millennials in the world and Generation Z but I would do it on my own because I think that's my term of endearment, and it's my gift for a lifelong partnership. That's how I see it but there are benefits of couples doing it together. There are many couples that do it together.
I think some women want that surprise. I think some women would like to have part of that process. So, I think whichever side of the fence you sit on, I think you just have to make those choices. If it's going to be together that's great because it is a partnership all the way through.
It's funny because when I have people sitting in front of me — I think I've mentioned this before. There are, of course, three types of people that come to buy.
- You have the man who just comes along and says “Okay. I want to buy her. This is what I want. Thank you very much.” And of course, they go on and he proposes, and it's done. The deed is done.
- She comes in, she does all the shopping, and he pays for it in the end. I'm not sure if that's the best one. Okay
- Both of the couple comes in and then I become the mediator. As I say I am more of it. I'd rather be more of a married guidance counselor than I do I think a diamond dealer or a jeweler. But seriously, yes, I’m there to facilitate with that, to facilitate when couples do come in.
I think what's important is that there should be transparency between the two of them on number one, budget, because I think that's one of the most uncomfortable situations. She wants something that he may not be able to afford. It's not an easy kind of scenario. So, I think if you're going as a couple, I think you need to set the target of what you are going to spend. I think once that's out of the way everything else will flow much easier.
Now for the guys, I always say this is for her. And if she is involved in the decision process you should support what she wants. You don’t have to wake up in the morning and say “Do I love him? I don’t. Do I love him? I don’t.” She's the one who's going to put that ring up in the morning. She's going to wear it every day. She's going to have the comments about it, and so I would take the position very much so. I've seen it in real time that when you do do it together support what she wants. It's not what you want at the end of the day. I think, yeah, if you are doing it together it's exactly what she wants. Give her what she wants because you involved her in this process now and it's a joint process. Yes, you can advise on maybe to be bigger, maybe to be smaller, maybe the ring is too detailed, maybe we should spend more money on the diamond, maybe we should spend more money on the ring and not so much on the diamond.
So, there are all those issues. I really think that one needs to lay the cards out way ahead of time. I think that that's it.
2. Where should the couple start in the buying process?
There's a second question which was presented to us. Where should the couple start in the buying process? I think I've answered that in the previous question because a lot of these do of course run into each other.
3. What if the couple doesn't agree on the style of the ring?
The third question I'm going to jump the gun here a little bit and of course we'll elaborate is: What if we don't agree on the style of the ring? Now, the process to start going together is as I said, budget. I think that's number one. I think you should look at pictures together and decide what styles or see what styles she likes. It's about her. It's not about us guys, all right. Otherwise she should buy the ring and we should wear it. But I don’t think that's going to go down very well. So, really see what she likes. See where she's leaning towards. I think that's really really important. That way, when it comes to a situation… Well, what if we don’t agree on the style of the ring? It's not about him. It's about her. You got to support her in what she wants. I think that's something that you as a couple have to communicate well ahead of time. Don't do it in front of me for example, or in front of the counter as I said. You could do it in the living room. Very much so in front of the computer and decide on those things. I think that's really important.
I think if you really set up those parameters, things will flow so much easier. I'm just going to repeat it again. Budget. Okay? Type of ring, agree on the style and let her have her freedom in what she wants within that designated budget. I think if you follow that, I think the process will become so much easier.
4. How can I still be surprised if I helped pick out my ring?
Okay. Now for the fourth question that I can see. How can I still be surprised if I helped pick out my ring? Will it ruin the moment? Absolutely not because I think it's… the timing here is the key. You may agree on what you want together, and I think once that has been established… I think if she wants to be surprised, then she needs to disappear from this process thereon because it will be shrouded in the secrecy that it is. She won't know when it's going to happen. And if you guys are smart enough it can be, I think a very very wonderful surprise. I think like I always say to most of my customers we want those tears of joy when the question actually pops and when that ring comes up. I think that's what we have to focus on.
So really I know this is a very short topic but I think it's a very poignant one. I think that what we’ve had here is basically a set up of the rules of engagement – if I can use that word. I'm just going to repeat it again unless we have any other question Shelby. Then, I think that's where we’ll probably end it off.
- Agree on budget. That is the most important thing.
- Out of the budget, where are you going to put the bulk of the money? Most of it normally goes into the diamond. If you want to maximize the size of the diamond, then you should look for much more simplicity. I think that will answer it. But if you're going to spread everything over a complicated setting you will end up with a smaller diamond. You've got to make those priorities based off that budget. Diamond or ring? Or if it's joint, then you know that you're going to have to settle for something a little smaller, a little bit more compact in the end result based of course on your budget. I think once that's done, I think that you guys need to come to an understanding of what she really wants based on those above decisions.
- And then ultimately, if you want to keep it as a surprise then she has to gracefully bow out of the process. Guys it's up to you to create that surprise. I think there are many many ideas out there. If somebody needs an idea, I’m always quite happy to help you.
I really want to thank you for joining us today. It's been wonderful to be on air again and touch out and reach out and see you guys. I'll see you next time. If there are any other topics that you really would like me to discuss, please please please message us so that I can touch those topics which are of interest to you guys. Thank you. See you again.